Hey Babe -
After your memorial service, your dad sent me a text about how touched he was with my goodbye speech (letter #1). He said it was beautiful and that we were truly each other’s soulmate. I’ve never thought about us as being each other’s soulmate, if anything, I’d probably call us each other’s “annoy mates.” We always like to say we were stuck with each other because nobody else could deal or put up with us and that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives annoying each other.
Whenever you annoyed me (yes, babe, you did quite a few things that annoyed me like leaving your ginormous shoes all over the house and I would trip over them or when you leave the bottle cap or an empty bottle sitting on the counter instead of throwing it in the trash or when you remove the tags from new clothes and would just leave them lying around all over the house instead of throwing them away, I can keep going but that’s not the point 😝😜), I would always say to you, “I’m going to find a new and improved S 2.0 if you don’t shape up.” And you would say, “SY, nobody will be able to put up with you like I can, so you’re stuck with me!” On the rare occasions I annoyed you (I really can’t think of anything right now since you know I’m perfect and always right😜😘), you’d tell me, “SY, it’s like living with a 5 year old with you.” And I would say, “Too bad, you married me, so now you’re stuck with all of me, both the good and bad!” We’d probably give each other our annoying look before we could laugh and agree that “Yup! We’re stuck with each other since nobody else would put up with us.”
Whenever you did anything that I felt was ‘shortening’ your life (like eating junk food or sweets or not getting your annual physicals on time), I would tell you to stop doing this or that so you could live a long time so we can spend the rest of our lives annoying each other. I miss annoying you and I wished we had a lot more time to spend annoying each other.
So, essentially, the motto of our relationship was that we were stuck with each other since nobody else could deal or put up with us, and we wanted to spend the rest of our lives annoying each other! I think that’s the secret to our relationship, babe!
Anyways, back to the soulmate comment, I started looking up quotes on soulmate (you know me and quotes), and I found two quotes below that I feel embodies our relationship and one that really embodies how I’ve changed and grown (or as you like to call it ‘mature’) since I’ve met you.
“Your soulmate is not someone who comes into your life peacefully. It is someone who makes you question things, someone who changes your reality, someone that marks a before and after in your life. It is not the human being everyone has idealized but an ordinary person who manages to revolutionize your world in a second.” --Unknown
“She lives her life like a flame; a dance of purposeful chaos. Her enchanting light can guide you and quell your fears. She’s hot; warming those who respect her and burning those who don’t. She is a flame with an unforgettable glow. A weak man will try to dim her luminance, but her soul mate will take pleasure in fanning the blaze.” --Steve Mariboli
I can only speak for myself, but I’m sure you would agree as well (even if you wouldn’t agree out loud, I know you would agree quietly in your mind because you never liked to admit when I’m right, which is all the time, since admitting I was right would get to my head!), that we’ve changed so much since we’ve met each other. I feel like we were able to find the best version of ourselves when we finally decided to go ‘all in’ and let go of our fears, egos, arrogance, and selfishness. We let love dictate the limits and boundaries our hearts were willing to go, and what we found was how deep and limitless love could be. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without you. You taught me so much about life, the power of forgiveness, what it means to be a better person, to be a good human being, and how I’m not always right (at least not all of time, only most of the time!😜😂😝).
P.S. I did take a poll and asked your mom, aunt JJ, and cousin RJ whether you’ve changed for the better since we’ve been together and they agreed you did. Your mom even said you matured a lot since we’ve been together! So babe, even if you aren’t here to agree or disagree on the big impact I’ve made on your life, the people closest to you already agree, so it must be true! You’re welcome by the way!! 😘😘😘
P.S.S. Yes babe, I know you definitely knew how to handle me and always put me in my place. I maybe too much woman for most men but that didn’t scare you, instead you saw it as a challenge. You never asked me to be anybody else but me and that’s why I love you so much!
A grieving widow who is trying to find meaning and purpose from her tragic event.