Hi Babe -
I miss you so much, more than words can even begin to describe. VL has been visiting the last couple of days. We hung out, went shopping, ate at our (mine and your) favorite Mongolian hot pot place, did a Korean spa treatment that left our skin feeling silky smooth (if you were here, I would have asked you to touch my skin every 15 mins and ask, “Isn’t it hella smooth babe?!” 😂😂, and we also went out and partied like we were in our 20’s. We wanted to relive the heydays of our 20’s. We weren’t sure if we were going to hold up or not considering we were ready to go home at 9pm when we we wrapping up dinner, but we did it!! We stuck to the plan and mission accomplished (but now we’re paying for it!! 😂🤣😜😝 still laying in bed all morning and afternoon).
This has been an emotional week. The question, “How are you coping?!” really struck a chord with me. It challenged me to self-reflect and look deep within to figure this out. I knew I was emotionally shut-off, and I expected the faucet of emotions to get turned back on and rush out with a vengeance at some point in time. But instead, it turned back on with the right amount of pressure, and it felt like a cleansing, a rebirth, a quiet sense of courage and confidence to say, “I can do this!!”
When VL and I were in the Uber to go to Mua (yup, told you we were on a mission to relive our 20’s but this time with more responsibility than when we were really 20-something!!), the sun was shining brightly into the car, and it caught my attention. It was a glorious looking sun. It was shining brightly at 7:30pm, and its rays were clearly visible and piercing through a big cluster of clouds amidst the blue sky. It was amazingly beautiful, and I know it was you trying to get my attention to say, “Hi Babe. Have a great time tonight!!” Yes, I know you were also trying to tell me “It’s time Babe!! You’re ready!!”
I know Babe, I know it’s time to start letting you go and that I’m ready to open that door and start walking through it to a new world where you will never ever come home. But really Babe, did you really have to make it that obvious?! Having the rod on your side of the closet collapse and all your clothes falling off really wasn’t necessary, okay!! But I got your message loud and clear!!
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you what my revelation was on how am I my coping. I discovered that my coping strategy to survive this grief journey is to wake up and chose to live life to its fullest potential everyday because it would break your heart if I got lost in the void and couldn’t find joy and happiness in my life again.
I love you so much Babe!! Thank you for always keeping me centered when the storm is raging around me and for being my north star to always guide me home when I’m lost.
A grieving widow who is trying to find meaning and purpose from her tragic event.