Well, a warrior doesn’t give up when things don’t go her way. She finds the quiet courage to persist and try it again tomorrow. So, that’s what I did. Today’s flan’s redo was a complete success.
Yesterday’s events and meltdown made me realize that sometimes you need to break before you can figure out what is wrong. I guess after dealing with my family and all the craziness and drama for three full weeks, feeling like I was reliving the first month of your death when I saw extended family for the first time since you passed, and people trying to tell me what I should do and how to live my life while watching my grandma die became too much to handle, so I shut down. It was my coping mechanism to get through that experience and I told myself that avoidance was the best coping strategy for this part of my grief journey, but I may have to re-evaluate. I don’t think I can control or stop the grief from coming but what I realized after yesterday’s event is that even if I have a meltdown and I succumb to grief, I will get through it and I can try whatever I was doing again tomorrow. And even if I don’t succeed the second or third or fourth time, it’s still okay. I can just keep trying or re-assess and re-calibrate as needed. I just have to remember, baby steps. One foot in front of the other. That’s all I have to do!!
A grieving widow who is trying to find meaning and purpose from her tragic event.