This has been an interesting week. I feel like I've found my widow voice! It’s like I found the warrior within me! Last Friday, I was finally able to intercept a package that my friend from Singapore sent me. She sent it in early May to our old address (not realizing we had moved) and since I hadn’t said anything about it, she asked if I received a package from her?! It turned out it was delivered to the old house. After some back and forth with our realtor, I was finally able to pick it up last Friday. It was a silver bracelet with the word WARRIOR etched on it. And the enclosed card said, “Being a warrior is about having the quiet courage to say at the end of the day, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” It was the perfect gift that arrived at the perfect time. It was like it was meant to be delayed before I could received it. I might not have been ready for it any earlier than when I got it. I’ve been wearing it since I received it last Friday, and without realizing it, I’ve grown stronger in the last week. It's like I've found my inner voice. Like I'm ready to speak my truth!! All the white noise that I’ve been sweeping under the rug and avoiding came to light!! I found the courage to say what I needed to say to the people who needed to hear my truth. Not sure if it was well received by all, but at least, I said what was on my mind. Now, I feel so liberated. Like this enormous weight has lifted from me. There’s still a lot more ground to cover, but it’s the first step in the right direction, if you ask me!! Even if some people might not be ready to hear what I have to say, I have to make my inner voice heard!! I can no longer remain silent. I must take the bull by the horns!! It's a constant struggle that never seems to end!! If it's not raging inside of me, it's raging outside of me!! Well, nobody ever said keeping up a garden was easy!! You usually do the gardening in the household, so I guess I never realized how hard it was to prune and maintain a large and vibrant garden. It’s a lot of work Babe! But, I guess I have to do it if I want to survive this journey!!
Also, the Warriors won the series in Game 4. (Which is a big deal, right?! I hope series is the right sports word to use in this instance! If not, oh wells! I apologize in advance.) Oh, one thing I forget to mention yesterday was that our wedding coincided with one of the Warriors’ championship games (it was the first time the Warriors made it to the playoffs in a very long time!) You said, “SY, what are we going to do if the Warriors make it to Game 4 (or whatever game it was)?! The game starts when we’re getting married!! How can I watch the game if we’re getting married?!” I said, “Well, we planned our wedding before the Warriors made it to the playoffs, so too bad. Anyways, everything is booked, we can’t move the wedding, and I think getting married should take precedence over the game!!” I’m sure you didn’t agree with me, but you oh wells! Even my brother called and teased you by saying, “What are you going to do if the Warriors make it to game 4?! Are you going to put up big screen TVs at your reception so we can watch the game?!” You actually toyed with that idea until I squashed it!! Your response was, “But babe, if we don’t put big screen TVs up at our reception, then everybody will be zoning out of our wedding because they will be too busy watching the game on their phones!!” I said, “If people want to watch the game instead of pay attention to our wedding, that’s fine with me! But I’m not going to put up big screen TVs at our reception so our guests can watch the game.” So, when the Warriors won in 2015, which was the first time in a really long time, you ran to find me and kept saying, “The world is going to end, SY!! The world is going to end!!” I was like, “what the heck are you talking about?!” “You don’t understand SY, the Warriors won the championship for the first time in XX years (I have no clue how long it was, hopefully people get the gist!!), I got married, and I started playing golf!!” I said “So?!” “Don’t you get it SY?! These were all the things I thought would never happened and they did!! So, the world must be ending soon!!” I just started laughing at you and said, “I guess you became the person you always despise!!” I don’t know Babe, maybe the world did end?! Maybe you were right?! You were always a very perspective person!! You always saw things before anyone else could, well at least before I could!! Oh speaking of the Warriors, I can see the fireworks going off for their celebration from our house!! I know if you were here, you’d say, “Babe, order me the championship hat!!! Hurry!!” You tell everybody that you have me order the championship hat every year the Warriors win because I can type faster than you (just in case they sell out before you can hit ‘place order’!)
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A grieving widow who is trying to find meaning and purpose from her tragic event.