old routines are hard to let go of...

Hey Babe,

It’s YA’s bday today, I think he’s maybe 29 now?! hahaha...just a baby!  Anyways, today, I got a lot done. I started getting my craft room back in order.  I unpacked three boxes. LH came over and helped installed the pegboard and a few other things around the house that you were supposed to do but didn’t get a chance.  I know I used your tools that you told me not to use, but that’s what happens when you decide to die and leave me!! And, for the first time, I folded and put away my laundry on a Sunday while watching TV (something I used to do with you).  So, this is a great milestone and achievement, if you ask me. I’m starting to get back to some semblance of my old routine. I know the therapist wants me to start creating new routines, but I still like my old routines and not ready for any changes yet.  I’m sure over time, the routines will change, be different, and become my own, but until then, we will carry on as we were. I’m hoping that all this organizing and unpacking of my stuff will help me to find the strength and courage to start tackling your stuff.  I go and look at all your stuff in our bedroom and closet, the utility room, and the man room. You don’t know how often I look into these rooms, take in a big sigh, and ask myself, "When will I find the strength and courage to go through his stuff?!” So, I’m hoping that by organizing my stuff first, I will slowly start into your stuff without even knowing it.  It will just happen and I don’t have to fixate on it anymore either.

Anyways babe, it’s getting really late and I have a big week coming up at work!  So, I’m going to bed, but we will chat more later. I love and miss you so much!   

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