self-discovery

Hi Babe,

It’s been awhile since I wrote.  EE is here visiting for the month and I’ve been busy planning a surprise for you!!!  I wanted to let you that I haven’t forgotten about you and that I love and miss you very much.  These last few weeks has been an emotional journey, and I’m taking some time to privately work through it.  I’m probably going to take a break from writing for the next couple of weeks, so I can focus on the surprise I have planned for you and on continuing to prune my garden.  I’m also trying to read more about people who are on or going through a similar journey as me to gain different perspectives and insights, hoping it will help me on my journey.  

Although I’ve already read Option B by Sheryl Sandberg, it was before you passed away, so I’m sure if I went to read it again, I would have a different perspective now.  Last week, I was reading an article about how Sheryl felt after her husband passed away. She talked about how she had lost her self-confidence and had an “identity crisis,” is what I would call it, after her husband passed.  Those words struck a chord when I read them since that’s the part of the journey I feel that I’m on right now. Trying to figure out who I am without you and who I need to be to survive this tragedy. As you know, self-discovery is never an easy thing, especially when you aren’t sure what you’re going to find or uncover.  But, I’m learning a lot about your SY and how she has evolved since meeting you. Mostly for the better, but there are some things I didn’t even realize I stopped doing or being until now. It was almost like a part of me before I met you was slowly left behind over time and I didn’t even realize it, which isn’t a bad thing and is expected, but I guess I’m just realizing it now.  

Anyways, I have to run.  EE and I are going to glamping in the Russian River area.  We’re going to be staying in airstreams!!! I wished I heard of this before you passed, since I know it would have been something you would totally want to do!  We decided to go to commemorate your love for airstreams!!

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