I was looking out the window, and the sky looked so ominous, covered in a thick layer of clouds, but there was a sliver of a light pinkish orangey light shining upward through a section of the clouds. You were probably trying to get my attention to say hi and tell me to stop working so we can chat. (Like how you always tell me to stop whatever I was doing to come hang out with you and watch TV. Your famous line was, “Babe, come watch TV with me.”) Anyways, I had a serious migraine last night and couldn’t fall asleep, so I decided to work from home today since I was tired from lack of sleep. I was so productive at work today--it’s amazing what you can accomplished with no distractions.
I was discussing the blog with your cousin RJ on the phone tonight. He said, “You’re blowin’ him up!” Well, of course, I had ask what the heck that meant (as you know my urban vocabulary is very weak and non-existant). He says, “You write so highly of him; it's like he was the perfect husband?!” 😂😂😂 I was cracking up so hard and responded with, “He was far from perfect, but that’s what happens when the love of your life dies, you want him back so badly that you forget he had faults and pet peeves that drove you crazy!!” Yup babe, you heard it right. I want you back so badly that I’ll even deal with all your annoying faults and pet peeves, and I promise to never ever complain about any of them ever again. So, will you come home now?! I’ll even tell you that your feet don’t stink (even tho they do big time). I always hated it when put your feet near me. I would shriek, “Your feet stinks!! Get them away from me!!” And you would say, “SY don’t lie, no they don’t!!” And instead of moving your feet far away from me, you would bring them closer to me and even try to put them up to my nose!! (I think you liked to torture me with those stinky feet of yours!!) You also liked to pull the blanket in the middle of the night so you could roll yourself into a burrito. I would wake up blanket-less and cold in the middle of the night!! AND, you had the nerve to say to me in the morning, “Babe, you took all the blanket! I was cold all night!!” I’m sure I just gave you one of my death stares since the only person that was out in the cold was ME!!! Oh, and your moodiness--most people don’t realize how moody you are, but you were very moody (even Pebbles takes after you in the moodiness department). I don’t think this blog entry would be long enough for me to talk about all the things you did or didn’t do that annoyed or irked me, so we'll just leave it for now. 😜😆😝😛
I remember when I was reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Option B, I was thinking the same thing, “Was their marriage really that great?!” Bottomline, nobody’s marriage is that great or perfect. Marriage is hard; it takes a lot of work. It can be amazing and beautiful, but it can also suck the life out of you. Most of the time, it’s both at the same time. 😆😝😜 It takes a lot of patience, understanding, respect, and a whole slew of other things to make it work and last. Sometimes, you’re both in sync and everything's great! Other times, it’s like you’re from completely different planets that don’t speak a shared or common language. It’s like you’re talking until you’re blue in the face and still don’t understand each other. Our marriage was definitely not perfect, and it took a lot of work. We loved each other a lot and had lots of happiness and laughter in our home, but we also took each other for granted. We had communication issues, and sometimes we yelled and screamed at each other when we were mad (okay fine, I did most of the yelling while you just listened!)
I’ve come to learn that love alone isn’t enough to make a marriage work, but on the flip side, love isn’t even necessary to make a marriage work or last. There are lots of people who get married for different reasons that have nothing to do with love. For us, love was the crazy glue that bound us together when life got REAL and S*** hits the fan!! Love is what makes you hold onto the good memories while the bad ones fade. Since you passed, all I can think about are all the things I love and miss about you and all the happy moments and memories we’ve shared together. I rarely barely think about any of the annoying things you did or didn’t do. If anything, I even miss all the annoying things you did or didn’t do. I want them all back; all the good and bad memories we’ve shared together because isn’t that what life is all about?! You can’t have the peaks without the valley. You can’t have the rainbows without the rain. I like how Dolly Parton puts it, “The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.”
Babe, you’re far from perfect, but you were perfect for me. ❤️❤️😘😘
A grieving widow who is trying to find meaning and purpose from her tragic event.